Living under a Twisted Road

After running out of pages out of my journal, I decided to write online instead. My entries have been sad and depressing. The black ink has been in used by adding darkness into a spread of white pages. There's been a lot of tension inside of me. It's not a crisis, I'm just stranded and lost in the middle of a "twisted road". The feeling of being alone. You see cars drive past that house, and think of what the person in the house is feeling whenever someone passes by. There's nobody around it, there's nothing close to it. Everything and everyone just goes by and passes it.

I've been busy setting up this lab at work that I keep forgetting how to set up my own life. I'm pretty easy going. I love life, and I love God. Done! It's that easy... well... kind of. The road's suppose to be straight. I expect trials on the way, but that's okay because I am trying to get ready for those. Then God throws a curve ball at me by twisting things a bit. The road that I thought was straight is now twisted.

Oh that is going to hurt. It did, and its okay. I will survive this drought. There's always a point where the road becomes straight again.

I am dead tired, and I have work tomorrow. I have a lot to prepare and a lot to do. Fall collection is coming out for wesc. I'm excited to go back and be active again. I miss my old self. Except w/o the drugs, alcohol and sex part. Party in LA for WeSC fall exposure, tomorrow at 7pm. Time to be a salt and a light to the WeSC family.

www.wesc.com

I missed the train

The excitement and enthusiasm was in him when he came back from a week of leading junior high kids from camp. Hume Lake, to be exact, was the highlight of this year. The stories, the life changes, and the relationships were phenomenal. However, he gets back to just find out that the train's full and it just left. Anxiety came to him at his time at camp. The days go by and he's more convinced that he's going to catch that train and be on board. Unfortunately after all the joy and laughter from being away, the dream of embarassment was dounced by a big calf. The calf had no name. It used to be someone, until it ditched the man who tried to catch a ride.

Thinking of what to do now is certainly annoying/ depressing/ frustrating. Sitting on a train-stop waiting for nothing, yet the train lights come by like it's teasing me that there's a train coming. Oh where is it? Oh when is it coming? Now? Did I wait so long? I shold've said something to the train operator. "Miss Operator, I'd like to board this train". It was too late. The train's gone. The next train is none to be found. The signs are blurry and everyone's gone. All alone he becomes.

Dear God,

I pray that someday I find that train. I pray for those who are missing their rides. I pray that they can wait out the rain and for the storms in their lives to pass. You are heavenly Lord, it's you that keeps the trains running and the weather storming. It just makes sense that we can't always have transportations and sunshines. In you I find rest. In you I find sense. I pray for the operators, navigators, and drivers of this track. You are the light out of this tunnel, and with that I give you all my attention. I pray for the ones who are lost and missing. That may they find their rides and their stops. I ask all these in you're son's name Jesus!

Amen

Destination Hume

I can't really think at this moment of anything to write. I haven't been really inspired to write anything onto this blog. Until an angel just whispered in my ear at 2:20 am and reminded me to write something...

I have to be up by 7, and supposed to be at church by 730. A six hour drive ahead and two stops to go to the bathroom and lunch break. I am thrilled for this adventure to Hume Lake. Plenty of children and a handful of leaders gather to serve one purpose and that is to glorify our God. 

The tv is on, and "Atonement" is now playing. I am a little bit tired from all of my adventures, but why get tired if I can find energy on the things that surrounds me. Some of the things that makes me energize are the beautiful people, the wonders of nature, and the complex things in life. It's a sad movie it is. I don't like sad movies, but just like real life things doesn't usually the way we want. I look at it differently and say that if one is broken or missing, I will thrive to fix it or find it. Then love it, and marry it, and forever be happy till my last breathe. (What did that even mean?)

Moving back to Hume lake! I have the most admired junior higher and the worse behaved one. It will be a test for me to be able to juggle the bad one around. One rotten tomato makes the whole basket rotten as well. I am excited. I am worried. I am stressed. I will show them love and  compassion. I will try to teach them the good stuff and be their leader and not be a quitter. No failures in this week's adventure. Awesome!!! 

There's no more words coming out of my brain. I will miss the ones I admire and respect. I will miss the ones that I share stories with. I will miss the ones that I annoy everyday. I will miss my office that needs to be dusted. I will be missing some adventures from the southbay. I will be missing some secrets. I will be missing the dodgers winning. I will be missing that certain someone that I speak of dearly, yet always been a shadow in the dust of the dawn. I will miss fitness and everything that comes with it, ie. spin, step, and weights. I will miss Blue Steel. I will miss watching the waves come splashing by and the birds flying in sync in the sky. I basically will just miss the great LA in the next 6 days.

I am in the part of the movie when I kind of want to kill that little girl names "Brownie" or something... It's a fictional character; therefore, I may think of killing it and it should be okay? Yea!? Yea.... I don't know. I am very tired.  :-<