To Suffer is To Live

Christians are like poop if you leave them all in one pile it stinks, but if we spread it all out and distribute it. It grows... :)

God has His way of making me think daily. I see things, I hear things, I feel things. Life is great, but I need Jesus. There's an eternity and there's more to life than driving a beamer, having a girl friend, and making bank. I don't really want to try hard to please God. I am in love and I just want to love Him with all my life. Following Jesus doesn't mean that I'll get this worldly pleasures and enjoy them. I want and will follow Jesus even if He takes it all away from me. I want to deny my family, my friends, my church, and myself. I want to just pick up my cross and follow Him. I want to do something crazy. I want to follow Him. Not because by following Him I get these perks and comfort. I want to follow Him because He's worth it to me. It's worth doing something scary and crazy.

I ask God everyday, "God help me love You more". I leave my house to work, to run errands, to hang out, to live life. I want to put Him in front of me. God as the first one that hits me as I leave my house. God as the first one I think about when I wake up and before I go to bed. God is the treasure greater than anything. I just want him to help me to love Him more. It sounds weird, but I don't want it only when I go to church or hang out with church folks. Often time I love food more than God. Often times I love sleep more than God. Often times I love the great outdoors more than Him. I want to be stronger and be able to stand strong with my faith in Him. Everyday He works in me. Everyday I question why do these people around me do things to glorify God, but it seems like they're glorifying themselves. I feel like I'm judging, and I have no right too. I see good hearts with good intentions. I can't be a judge. They're doing their part and I'm doing mine.

I was reading Philippians 3. It says that suffering characterizes a Christian. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing His sufferings and becoming like Him through his death. The first part of Philippians 3 is having that want to know him. The second part is about His power, the power of the resurrection. Then it goes, and the fellowship of his sufferings and/or becoming like him through his death. Jesus explained in 2nd Timothy 3:12 that anyone who follows Jesus will be persecuted. Philippians 1:29 says it's granted for us not only to believe in Him, but to also suffer for His sake. I just want to remember that it's all worth it. It's so worth it. All the sufferings in this earth is okay. I will be rewarded a hundred fold.

The Gospel needs to be taught differently. And stop saying that we can add Jesus to our lives. What the Gospel teaches is that we loose our life and then we find it. Sacrifice everything and Jesus says that he offers us something better. And if we try and hold on to that old life, we try to save it, we lose it. What kind of profit do I get to gain the whole world and forfeit my soul. I just question the intentions of those who try and put Jesus in people's lives. Or if they walk with Jesus for an hour and walk with the world for half an hour.

Everyone has a story of how they met Jesus. Everyone goes through that "I'm so on fire for Christ". Crisis comes, and "Oh I'm still so on fire for Christ". Luck goes their way, and "Yea... I'm still on fire for Christ". Why does the fire fluctuate? It makes me realize that I don't want to have that desire to have that "life" that this world paints. I want to suffer. I want to be challenge and be stressed. I feel alive dealing with problems and issues. I feel alive solving things and making things happen. I'm happy to see that I'll be hanging out with awesome people in heaven when the time comes. I'm happy to hear the good news that people are saying. I'm happy to feel loved by God and that he'll bless me enough to fulfill his will.

How Long Must I Pray?

I'm awake. I shouldn't be. I'm really tired, long day. It's Tuesday already. I have a meeting at 830. I got home late saying good bye to a friend. He's moving back to Chicago. I'm happy for him. He seems happy moving back to his home town and going to school over there. I wish him the best and praying that God will bless him dearly

When I left everyone I got in my car and started driving and praying at the same time. I have a prayer list in my head that I go through everyday. I prayed for 26 minutes. That's how long it took me to get home. I wasn't in a rush to get home, but I was really exhausted. I should be really sleeping right now. I prayed until I walked in my house.

I wasn't really done talking to God, but then I just stopped and didn't end it with an "amen". Strangely enough I couldn't sleep and now I'm typing on this thing worrying about waking up in time for my meeting. God knows my prayers before I even say them out loud. He knows what's up. I just want to express that to him. I wish I had a better way of praying. I wish I had more than 24 hours a day to pray to him and to worship him. For Him be the glory, right? My meeting tomorrow is for his glory. My sleep deprived body is for him. The purpose of me not getting my sleep is to write about him. He's so amazing!

Prayer... it's going to be the topic for the Station Retreat in three weeks. Even got it down to its sections (Prophet's, Psalms, Jesus, Paul's prayer). I'm excited. I'm challenged by this. My prayer life's not that amazing, but people think that I'm funny. I don't really know why. I'm spontaneous with my prayers. I say what comes to my heart. I'm not like everyone else, where they sound like they're talking at a recital, and that they're trying to be just humans who are asking for blessings from God. Sure, we're humans indeed. However, Jesus hanged out with humans too. No need to impress him with big words. Yes, He is our King. We must be careful of what to say to him, and be gentle and real. Even then, he already knows what my heart desires. Saying a prayer is just making my heart and my mind work together and my body as one; just like the Trinity. To keep him in our thoughts in a rate that goes 86,400 seconds a day would be wonderful. Even to be thinking of Him even when we're standing in line at the market, or cleaning that toilet, or riding a bike, or playing sports, or just breathing can be a prayer that our lives would be glorifying Him. That I can be that person, that man, that He wants me to be.

I pray not for myself, but for others. I think of them more than I think of myself. It may sound creepy, but I see more hurt in others than I see my own hurt. Or perhaps I'm just in denial. Sometimes I feel like that, but there are literally people out there that's suffering extremely worse than I am. I'm just going to be sleep deprived tomorrow morning and probably look forward for a nap in the mid-day somewhere, but some one out there is probably in the icu dealing with some sort of a life threatening disease or someone's out there who hasn't had anything to eat or drink in 4 days, or someone out there that's being raped or being taken advantage right now. I'm just an ordinary guy, with extra ordinary vision. It may sound extreme, but I guess I am extreme like that. I've always been. I'd always take on that killer wave, fight the biggest dude, climb the tallest tree, solve the hardest problem. I like the challenge, I just don't enjoy it when God tells me that it's not for me and then I have to move on and take on a wave and learn to love it more. Life is full of trials and errors. The ratio of error and infallible is like 324 errors to 1 infallible. Prayer keeps that ratio seem lower than it is. I just have to be firm and have the confidence that He will work it out. He always does. Jesus is alive! Amen!

Want....

You can't want what you don't want while you don't want it. But you can ask to want. And if God wills the want will happen. You can want what you don't want while you don't want it. But if you can ask to want it. And if God wills, the want will happen.

Superhuman

I don't really listen to pop music. My sister and I bonded yesterday. She usually gives me

attitude, but she was in a good mood yesterday. The women in my family tends to be crazy.

It's just how it is. The royal blood in me just kind of gave it away. "Daddy" (Grampa) is kind of a

big deal. "Mommy" (Gramma) had her ways. I miss them. I think they're living on the flip side.

So the children including 5 Aunties and my Papa had their ways around things. I can see it now.

My sister getting her feistiness and irrational thinking and yelling from the blood line. Oh lovely.

I'm not sure where I came from, but I don't have anything in common with any of my "fambam".

I do miss Mommy. She pretty much raised me. I should send her flowers for no reason. I used to

shower her with love through UPS presents. People think I'm crazy cause I'd spent so much for

her. If you love someone a lot, you'd spend a lot on them.

Speaking of love. I'd like to think that I've got no one, but God. I do. But I guess people care.

But for now it's just me and Jesus. God's love can't be compared to anything.I feel like a super

human everyday knowing that I know that I have something that will get me through anything.

I know that. Jesus was a superhuman and he did this to me. I am clearly seeing the change. The

cross is the reason for His great love. I can't even explain it. I just feel free even though I know

that I am limited. I am in love with God. I feel like a super human!

Scattered in a Staying Power

Not exactly sure what to think right now. After a splendid Sunday at church having an appetite to work on somethings; I'm just as lost as a sheep after all. That statement probably didn't made sense. I know that I'm found, but there's something inside of me that I just can't pull it out. A drive to the cliff overlooking the ocean made me stop and think about things. Now I just have scheduled a date to just tell it all to a good brother of mine everything about me. It's not a happy story. Every second kills me in the inside. Just typing this brings tears to my eyes. It's not just a "life", it's my Life. I know that I'm important, with a purpose. I'm not like everyone who has a story. I have a soap opera inside of me that goes beyond's someone's imagination. All I wanted was for everyone to be genuinely happy, and it's just sinking in that I'm actually very lonely.

A man asked me this morning if I have had a bad day because I always smile. I said, yes. Everyday is a bad day, but I got Jesus to back me up every freaking single day. Amen. Life is hard, and life is good. "...That He might humble you and test you, to do you good in the end"- Deuteronomy 8:16. Every second that I have on this earth is valuable to me. Perhaps its unnoticeable, but I really value my time. Even though the tide's always high, I'm still threading water. I believe that everything will work out for its own good. I just have to have to start trusting people. I have faith with God, but I do need people. Solomon says in his book Ecclesiastes that "if a man falls down, his friends can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him. 4:10." It is really-really hard for a man to go and admit things that happen to him without any control at a young age. It's like opening a can of rotten olives and eating it all and swallowing it and digesting it. Cause once you finish that can and have gone through the whole thing God cleans out your system and renews you. I'll face embarrassment. I'll face the consequences of the things that I had no control of, but it just happen to be that I have to go through it. I use to have a problem of self-pity growing up. If only I've learned what I am learning now 10 years ago. I wouldn't be in this bad of a position. I don't even know where to begin. I used to just want to be like everyone else, but this year's been just a blessing and an awakening. I don't think I want to be like everyone else anymore. Oh Lord, I just want to have you in me and give me the strength to go about my days and nights and my mid-days.

Endurance. I have to have to live. A literal rendering yields the phrase "staying under". Remaining. Persevering. Holding fast. Standing firm. It's what men do, and what men are. Just being reminded by this man named Job. I just want to have breakfast with this guy. To be able to emulate his being is a major challenge that I'm willing to take on. Bring it on! I think I'm ready to face the facts and face the future. My duties are simple, I'll stop making it simpler. "And my God will provide all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus"- Philippians 4:19. Going back to Job, he proved himself quite apart from decorations and tributes and trophies. Job sourced his masculinity and personhood in who he was, alone and naked before God. And that makes a man out of him. I want that sense of permanence. He was strong, stable, secure, consistent throughout. What you see is what you get. I feel like if Job was alive, I'd connect with him really well. He would understand why I'm living at home. He would understand, my motto: "why I say it, I do it". I am disgusted sometimes with my worldly desires that I don't need. I don't need a nice comforter and a luxurious life. Although, God did say that we're suppose to enjoy and treat ourselves for ice cream once in a while. I feel like I can't treat myself unless I treat my family first, my friends first, my church first, my community first, my peers first, and the homeless man with a sign by the freeway. O God... I am broken. It sucks. It's making a big bang. Why? And now it's bursting out my heart- my desire.

I'm seriously nothing without my faith. This world can take it all away, but I have something that no one can ever take away from me. It's on the inside. I stuck it out. I've done some growing up. People, events, evil schemes, disasters, catastrophes can take things away from me. Things on the outside. But no one can ever take away what's on the inside-- heart, soul, character. I'm not throwing those away, but no one can ever take them away from me. Maybe I've tried getting rid of my heart and my soul. I don't think I'll ever lose my character. I'm special and I know that. Just weird and awkward and why not. I like it, I like me.

I fail a lot. It's okay. I just have to get it all back together and start all over. I think I'll be okay. It's not going to be easy, but there's definitely hope. The more I read the more I get beaten down. It's a good beat down. Boot camp type of a beat down emotionally, mentally, and spiritually is good. It means that I'm growing. And as I grow I can be efficient by sharing and teaching what I'm learning. I'm hungry, and I want more. I get it, and I will share it. Oh man... It's boundless. I just have to have the patience. It's going to be a good life. I know it will be. I'm trying to dry tears away by staying positive. There's good on this earth. I've seen it. This is not a self booster blog entry. This is a beginnings of something amazing. Every day is a beginning of something amazing. Just by looking at the massive ball we call sun rising from the east gets me go "awww I'm tired... let's boogie". Life on this earth has already been called and brought to us by God. What else can I do but to worship, thank, adore, praise, please, serve, share, and love Him. Straight up John Ram style. Because I have a heart, soul, and character!!!

1...2...3... break! :)

Past My Birthday

Ever since my birthday I think the weather has been so lovely. It's been crazy lately. I've only been writing notes and just short little proses to complete my days. It seems like I have 14 day weeks and 48 hour days. I wake up twice in a day because I take naps. I like to enjoy my siesta. I'm a morning, and an evening person. Not quite a mid-day kind of a guy. I loose it in the middle of the day. I get up early to get things done, and I stay up late to get things done. Things just needs to be done. They won't just do it themselves. I pray to God everyday. I try every hour, but I still do his work. I have the hands, the feet, and the body to do so. The Holy Spirit rests upon me and I will try to follow.

I am now alive for 26 years and a few days. I'm impress. I've never had braces, nor have my wisdom teeth been taken away. I still have em'. The fact that I've been on this earth for that long is impressive. I'm not 80. I wish I am. Growing up is fun. Kids these days... they want to grow up so fast. I'd say take your time and enjoy being a kid. As this world evolves everyone is becoming more impatient daily. Things are simpler and people are becoming spoiled. Albert Einstein says "everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. To live longer is to be happier? Right? It's suppose to be. It's funny how people are more sad, when we hear or see a person pass away at an early age compared to someone with age. Is it because the future is missed? Then why do people get bummed out when they're past their mid 20's and doesn't want to get old? It's probably because they're missing something, or they missed something. There's always something that we miss. There's always something that we wish we had or we did. Why can't we just live our lives with no regrets and free. The more I see myself and this world, the more I feel like I don't belong where I'm at. I love my family and my friends the most, but what's in it for me? I'm an anomaly. I don't see these worldly things to be that important. I don't see having a magnificent career to be an important. It doesn't make sense to me to be driving a fifty thousand dollar car that eats a lot of gas. Perhaps self image matters, but I don't think Jesus gave a crap about how he looked like. He is the epitome of a human being there is. I believe

Trigonometry, I'm tutoring my brother. I feel like I have forgotten a lot of it. That's not good. I'm getting old. My brain cells aren't functioning anymore. I used to be good at math. Until I found out that there's limits and I have to derive things. I love learning. I don't like getting confuse. The little brother is almost a senior in high school and I'm gone. I cannot wait. I just want to keep building on life. Not waste time by doing irrelevant things, unless it's fun. The father of mine didn't really remember my birthday. It hurts. I actually just cried a lot when midnight came last week. There's just a lot of pain inside. It's okay. It wasn't fun, but it'll take me to the next level. At least my sister bought me a cake, my mother bought food, and my brother broke his 3 mile run by a few seconds. Overall, it was a good day for the family. I wasn't home most of the day of the anniversary of my birth. It seems to me that they don't really need my presence, they just need my salary. It sounds really bad, but that's been the story of my life. Well if that's their love language then I'm willing to show them love through "gifts".

Life's been exciting. A lot has happened. I'm playing it safe right now. I'll probably take a leap of fate later on. A few things have changed. Only way to go is to move forward and progress. I can take a moment and rest, but everything still moves even if I'm not moving. There's no pressure on my part. I try to make things right and not add into what makes people's lives a lot more complicated. Its already made simple. God made everything so that we live a great life. There shouldn't be any issues or anything. I just want to build life. I'm a man from this world. I want to work and give back to what the world has given me. Life is amazing! Perhaps there will be times when I'm down and out, but there's still plenty of small things that brings joy in my life like bubbles, flowers, fresh air, and the funny looking mold structures under a microscope. I want to eat on a public place, walk in a crowded street and get to know someone. Because I want to build a life. I'm not wasting my time on who doesn't share that interest. Let's go build lives mine, yours, and everyone else. :)

Vision

"Is there anything worse than being blind? Yes, a man with sight and no vision"

- Helen Keller

I planned on writing a few days ago about something that kind of got me going. The topic, I forgot. It was something that I was really thrilled about putting up here. The days have been short. Feels like I don't have time to do anything. Or perhaps the effects of the earthquake a week ago in Chile shook this earth a little bit. My memory hasn't been the sharpest. There's just a lot going on inside my head. I forget most of them sometime.

I'm driving on the freeway the other day heading to Azusa. As I was trying to get from one freeway to another. I plan ahead. I watch carefully for cars behind me. I observe who's coming quick and who's taking their time. I make sure that the lane's clear before I switch. I can see the cars around me, but do I know what's happening on the freeway? Sure. A driver who sees things, but isn't really thinking ahead of how to get from point A to point B would end up in a big tragedy or they'll miss their exit or their junction. The Global Positioning System also knowns as GPS usually takes a few seconds to think and to decipher where exactly you're at and how far you have to turn to. What it doesn't tell you is how fast the other drivers are. Or where's this blue car going? Or what's the girl's driving record in the green car, or is that mattress on the cab look a little loose to you?

It's kind of random, but yea. ..

It's almost that time of the year. Time to look back and just be drawn to my own life. Oh joy. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm bittersweet. It's good. I love life. I love everything about it. I learned from the past. I'm loving what's in front of me. I'm excited for the future. I actually have my manhood plan written down. It's just a 5 year plan for myself. There's God's plan, and here's my plan. I'm not going against what God's telling me to do because I am glorifying him in my plans and making myself a better servant and son. God already knew my vision.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5

God's plan for life began before the world was made. Just read Genesis.

So as the day comes closer. I am just bathing in prayer and filling myself up with the words coming from my instruction manual, the bible.

Funny: How electronic gadgets and things comes with an instruction manual from the box or a bottle of lotion has instructions in the back of how to apply it. Well as human beings we have the bible as our manual. As God our creator, he wrote us a manual of how to use our lives to be able to live to the fullest and be efficient beings.

I like to stop and think for an hour or so by the beach the evening before midnight about the years I lived. I'm at a point where I'm playing it a little bit on the safe side at the moment because of responsibilities with my family and at home. I don't even think that it matters to them, but I believe it does. It seems like it does according to this world, but why give them worldly things rather than just be an example of love and truth. I'm trying. It gets me sometimes. It definitely brings tears to my eyes, but I gotta wipe those tears because I need to face things. I can't just sit and cry about it. There's decisions to be made, plans to be executed and actions to be taken. I still got sometime, but I'm not going to just sit here and wait. Well, I don't know. I can only do so much. I want to do more. I can't spread myself to thin. If I could just be amazing?

I'm not created to be a genius. Every decision is connected to a door that opens and then once that door opens I'm once again faced with a decisions to make. I don't really like the phrase "I don't know." I like to have answers. I like to be able to be there for someone or for something. I draw it out. And everything is still blurry. Prayer definitely helps, but I need to make a plan. I need to set goals and have some sort of deadlines.

I'm not created to be perfect. Accidents happen. Unfortunate events come along. I'd rather focus on the good side of things. And if I can make it work where I'm constantly thinking about Him, and also being able to take on my role as a man in this world then I'm set. Easier said than done. The plan needs to be realistic. The plan needs to be timely. I'm ready to pitch this ad and turn in my portfolio and see if I get the part or not.

I'm not created to be super. I'm only human. I walk like one. I eat like one. And I love like one. Often times I'd give up something for others. Why? I don't know. I'm an anomaly according to some people. I won't say that I'm doing what I'm only capable of doing right now because I don't know my full potential really. Who does? Ghandi once said " you must be the change you want to see this world." Enough said. If only this world would be unselfish and obedient to God? I want change. I seek change. I like being random and spontaneously doing things. I maybe radical and crazy, but I want to offer my life to you.

I'm getting a year older in less than 24 hours. Come on! I'm ready!

Go!

I'm awake. The sun's not up yet. I didn't sleep well, but I'm awake. I think I'm going swimming. I'm getting fat. I read my bible and had my first cup of water. It's Friday. It's good.

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."- Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Great verse to start up my morning! I am awake my Lord. I'm ready to face this Friday. Busy day. Starting late, but I think I'll go ride bikes after my swim. A stop in the office to pick up some goods to distribute to clients and off I go to deliver them and perhaps grab lunch around somewhere new. I feel awake right now, but I'm sure I'll die down later by midday. Take my siesta, then go back to the lab and work on some crazy Cladosporiums and Fusariums. Great! Then I have to arrange a softball tourney that we're sponsoring as a company to get more business out of it. Oh the joys of Fridays. Just when you know that the week's over things come up. Well the week never ends. In fact everyday is a start of something new. I wake up and "bam!". Sweetness. Maybe I'll talk to someone about Jesus today. I'm going to do that. I'll be venturing to a new food place anyways somewhere in LA or the Southbay. I will add that to my to do list- to speak about these commandments to a stranger. I never know how that'll end up, but I have faith. Weird how I'm alone, yet I'm happy. I usually spend my everyday life alone. It's nice sometimes. I get to talk to the postman (Mike), the donut man (Mr. king), the boss(Randy), the uncle(Gene), the ice cream guy (Jose), the bank lady(Lydia), waiter/waitress of the day, the clients, the random dude on the sidewalk, and whoever comes along. I appreciate all the people. I can't look at the dark side of things.

I think I'm going to take a risk next week. The plan: Go to LAX, take the next flight to anywhere. Go out, stay for a day or two. Walk around, eat, shop a little, and find someone cool. Done. I think I can do it. I've done it once before, and I ended up meeting friends out. The goal: Be able to clear my head of things. The conclusion: I'll be crying, I'll be laughing, I'll be John Ram. The ending: I live to see the glory of God and to be following what he calls me to do.

Fallen February

There's a lot of things to write about. The past 4 weeks or so have been tough for me. I've been under attack, under pressure, undertaken by things. I guess I'm just living "under the sun" just like what Solomon said in Ecclesiastes. This world is messed up. I'm trying to stand still and be strong. I'm working everyday to become a better man and a better Christian. I'm only human. I get attacked. I get pressured. I also get taken back by "life". The sky can only be so clear and blue. As the clouds arrive, rain pours. I see myself in sin. I see myself unworthy. I see myself being attacked and being taken advantaged. It is tough to be living in this world sometimes. Aghhh...

A lot has been going through my head lately to a point that I just get watery eyes whenever I come home from work. Maybe the hobby of being so involve of knowing how men and women relate and build relationships with each other have put me in quilt. I love learning and putting what I learn into practice. I am a gentleman. I love the company of women. I love the comradery of men. I love teaching the youngens and getting wisdom from the ones that have lived it- the good life. Question: What is the good life? Answer: "Knowing and loving God" - St. Augustine. His conception of a good life is the life of contemplation and rational understanding. Love plays a central role with Augustine's ethical theology. I agree. What we need more than anything is the infinite satisfaction that comes from the loving God. When we fail to recognize this and seek complete satisfaction in finite things we are ultimately unhappy and our unhappiness may result in harming others. All that we perceive as evil, according to Augustine, is the product of disordered love. However, St. Augustine denies the existence of evil since all things are good and God creating everything and he said that it was good, then everything must be themselves good. Fail.

Oh there's evil! And it's everywhere. It's around the corner, by the coffee shop, when it rains, when you turn on your radio, when you start your car, even sometimes when you go to church. I felt like it's just been following me around. It knows me just as much as God knows me. Yes, I am faithful to my Lord and Savior. And I am on this journey and there's all these temptations and tests that I have to go through. It sucks. I'm not the only one though. I know that. By reading the word, and just sweating in prayer and crying for forgiveness to my Father God I sense nothing. All my emotions from my younger years to my adult life caught up to me and it just all came out at once. The family pain, the self pain, and the worldly pain all hit me like a massive tsunami. It wasn't a great feeling. I reached out to others and asked for prayer and comfort. God's good for giving me a tremendous support group. I wasn't myself and people saw that and they reached out to me and I opened up. I'm just very thankful. I seek guidance and I got it, kind of. I've been too hard on myself, and I came across this passage in the bible 2nd Corinthians 7:11 "See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter". Totally blew my mind off when I read this passage. I tried getting back in rhythm. I was a mess for a few days, but life goes on. And I know that it's not over. God's forgiving.

Moving on... After all my self beating. There's hope. It's going to take baby steps to move forward, and that's the only way to go. Let's be efficient. Me, myself, and everybody that's around me can do it. There's no point of bashing at each other. I'm slowly reevaluating my views and my visions. Instead of looking at the bad, I'm just going to focus on the good. I'm not saying that I'll be ignoring the negativity, but let's make it fun and interesting. I'm on this adventure, and I know that there's great things ahead of me as long as I live it accordingly. I'll stand out even if it cost me friends and family to fall out.

...... I lost my thoughts.