Refocus

Lunch by the ocean, on a windy mid-day, was almost just what I needed today. Tough week, better yet everyday this week I had a head ache. While working on the kingdom Fungi that has about 40,000 different types of them. It's like learning all the ants name and characters as they march to my untouched donut hole. About 34 microbiology books skimmed through, and studied in the past 3 months. Probably about 90 procedures done and recorded and about 40 mold and fungi. Not really a big fan of saying these words like Scopulariopsis, Chaetomium, Ulocladium, etc... I got my gear packed and ready to go. I wasn't sure if I would get in trouble if I bring mold with me in the plane, so I guess I'll just pick up some when I get to the East Coast. I'm ready, I think. I just want to get in that plane and fly for 5 and a half hours. Hopefully get sleep and arrive, rest and will start my mission out tomorrow.

It'll be good to be away. I need to be busy. I need a distraction. I need to be alone, for a bit in a new place, with new people. I'm scared. I am. But I have to go through it whether it's a pass or fail. I have to accept whatever happens and even if sometimes it's giving me head aches. I just need to take my time. This will be good. I may get the jitters and scribbles, but I need to focus. "To a man on a mountain road by night, a glimpse of the next 3 feet of road may matter more than a vision of the horizon"-C.S. Lewis. I'm just letting God handle the rest. I'll be happy with what happens in the East Coast. I got my bible, my gear, my luggage, my books, my chapstick, my ipod, my phone, and myself. I think I'm good. Just need to push negative energy away and absorb positive energy. I'll be all alone, but I got Jesus with me. That's good enough.

I'm outta here! :)

Top Open

I couldn't start writing because my head is spazzing. My brain's on crack in the past few days. It just won't stop processing. Here's pretty much what my brain's feeding me lately.

I'm excited.

I'm nervous.

I'm anxious.

I'm joyful.

I'm exhausted.

I'm rested.

I'm intrigue.

I'm interested.

I'm amaze.

I'm nothing.

I'm second.

I'm happy.

I'm alone.

I'm stuck.

I'm waiting.

I'm following.

I'm leading.

I'm hurt.

I'm calm.

I'm hungry.

I'm crying.

I'm sad.

I'm spontaneous.

I'm complete.

I'm driven.

I'm responsible.

I'm rational.

I'm obedient.

I'm loyal.

I'm wise.

I'm dumb.

I'm unfortunate.

I'm shy.

I'm enthusiastic.

I'm saved.

I'm created.

I'm weird.

I'm lame.

I'm poor.

I'm frustrated.

I'm annoyed.

I'm bummed.

I'm restless.

I'm tired.

I'm blessed.

I'm going.

I'm shy.

I'm quiet.

I'm lost.

I'm strong.

I'm searching.

I'm loading.

I'm prepared.

I'm last.

I'm slow.

I'm done.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm celebrating.

I'm crazy....

I was reading scripture to find peace and I came across Psalms 13. David claimed that God was slow to act on his behalf. I know God exist and currently, consistently working in me and this world. David was faithful to God and trusted wholeheartedly in him, but he felt the pressure of his problems as much as anyone. David held on to his faith. I don't see myself giving up on God. God and I have this constant talk on how things are going with me and why "I'm (all these things)". I'm honest and he's been good by blessing me with my life. Thank you Jesus! Now what about the lives of others?

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind'.This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neightbor as yourself'."

-Matthew 22:37-39

I am saved. Thank you! I know this for a fact. Now it's time to refocus and care for those who aren't and who needs the Lord. Amen. I see both the rich and the poor needing Jesus. In fact it says in the bible, I think in Proverbs 28, that the poor are better more than the rich. I want to be a man of integrity. Yes, I know it's a desire for me to become a better Christian. That's not selfish. I don't think so. Wikipedia defines integrity as a concept to do with consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcome. Jesus modeled it so well.

I am poor. Even if the numbers say that I'm not because I own a car, I have shoes, I have warm water, etc. Oh man! I miss bucket showers and heating bucket waters using a plug in heater. Did I want to have all of these riches? I'm sure I did. I still do. It's important to have resources and to be able to live. I won't be able to do His work if I don't live. Going back to my six essentials of living-water, food, clothing, shelter, TRUTH, and LOVE. A lot lays on the truth. Why I am who I am is because of what I believe and that what I believe is definitely true and that 'Jesus is the only way, the truth, and the light'. -John14:6. Love is everything to me. Love is when I get frustrated and my patience is tested. Love is when you just know and feel that you'll grow old with this person. Love is when I build myself a porch with a bench that swings. Sitting there drinking cider waiting for the sun to rise, listening to the birds flirt, and enjoying a good book. Truth is when I stand my ground whenever I'm being attacked by things that don't matter. Truth is when you jeopardize your career for what's real and what really matters. There's water everywhere. I'm fine by eating lettuce everyday. I can probably live with three shirts, two pairs of jeans, a pair of shoes, and some socks. I own a tent and a sleeping bag. I'm good to go. As my mind scatter and wonder around like a spinning top. I cry in the night just to be saved. And because of grace I am. Also because of Grace, my mother, I am here. She doesn't really know that exactly.

I've been trying to strengthen my relationship with my family and its been just all frustrations lately. Oh sadness. Took my mother out for lunch the other day because her dad, my 'lolo' was at the hospital. He's okay now. I think. I hope. He passed out and was confined for like 2 days. Scary. Definitely. It happens. I was deeply concerned, but not overly stressed by it. I was more stressed by the reactions of the world. I just prayed. Tried to be supportive and just was there for whatever they needed. I have been good with keeping up with my Mama. I do whatever she says. I give whatever she wants or at least I try and use logic with her, but sometimes that doesn't work. I'm just honoring my mother. Oh and I guess my father whom I haven't spoked too in years. Probably sent an email to him saying "you too" as he sent me a Christmas and New Year greetings this year. I apologize if there's a sense of sarcasm. Once a week, I am beat by the fact that I don't have a physical father to go talk to about business, sports, music, movies, girls, friends, church, and being a Christian. I get divisions of these subjects from several men of God and some of the non-believers that are dear to my heart. I pray to God every night to bless my Mama and Papa. Sounds really corny, but I've been praying like that since I was a kid. Weird childhood fact... I used to pray a lot, growing up as a Catholic and going to all these religious schools. I learned to pray in a structure where I go from the Lord's Prayer, then a Hail Mary, then a Glory Be, then to name and bless those who meant to me, then I pray to the angel of God my guardian dear, and then my three wishes for tomorrow... I still remember. I'm impress...

....MAN UP last Friday.

Amazing! Fantastic! Totally rocked! The boys totally had fun doing fellowship and growing to become real men of God. It'd be something that Rolling Stones magazine would say if they experienced 'Man Up'. I'm happy about it. It felt good. It felt real good. I was really driven to just give these boys the truth and the love. Good stuff. The battles of death ball and 'kajabi' can-can at the beach is 70 times male proof compared to quilting and perhaps doing scrap books. My ninjas came and showed off their skills. I'm so stoked, so much joy in my heart right now. They're getting it. I want more of them to feel the Holy Spirit in death ball and piling on each other. Boys will be boys, and to see these young men to eat like men, play like men, pray like men, and worship like men makes me a very happy fellow.

A race to the church after the beach to arrive to that smell of meat and beans is blissful. The evening continued as we growled like Arnold and drank beans from cups. Came to the building to do some outstanding worship and played Men in the bible trivia with a twist. The twist was to compete man vs. man on who can do a certain task faster, longer, or better if they don't know the answer. It was epic. Then came serious time with a 'nooma' video entitled: Tomato, by Rob Bell. It was about Jesus's death for us to have life. Amen. The video ended and the group split into small groups. There was a 5:1 ratio of junior high kid to a leader. I had my ninjas and some.

Small groups ended and next to the list of agenda was two 'I am second' video's and a short summary from the newest leader in the group. The 'I am second' videos were phenomenal.

After the inspiring videos, we had an open panel where the leaders answered the kids's questions. If they have any. 6 high schoolers and about 14 junior high kids were left at this point. No one had a question. The boys looked a fatigue. So we had to make up the questions. It was good, and restoring. A few misguided comments, but I'll still look ahead say that it was a good way to end the night. We also had cupcakes for dessert after all the madness. It was good. Thank You Jesus!

A weekend of just thinking, processing, and just swallowing facts. A question was given Sunday morning if I have the knowledge and/or the relationship with God. And do I have proof? Oh the fire burning in me just wanted to take this question full force. Do I know everything about God? No... Do I have a relationship with him? Yes! Do I have proof? I don't see myself not having one. I think to have a relationship with someone is to know someone. There's so many things about God that's just so obvious and also mysterious. Everyday, I learn something new from Him. Everyday I am challenged. Everyday I grow like a plant or a tree. I'm blessed with sunlight, water, and fertilizer. When theres a storm my branches don't constrict, but loosens, adapts and sways to which ever direction the wind goes. Sometimes it rains so hard that flood covers me. I just have to be tolerant to it and be able to withstand anything.

As the song "Hallelujah" by Beth Dillon comes into play...

Who can hold the stars

And my weary heart?

Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard

Sometimes I feel so far

But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain

Swim the ocean

Or do anything

But it's when you hold me

That I start unfolding

And all I can say is HALLELUJAH....

more lyrics...

I can pretty much do anything... Well not quite. There's a tug in my heart every time the clock turns to midnight. I'm trying to forgive myself. And to just remember that it's about Faith, and not trying to do what I feel, want, think is right. I just have to serve others and reflect on Christ's love. There's this saying about how to live and that is "to live above reproach". Okay. Got it. I read Romans 12-14. Also did a google search on it. It makes common sense. It's good to be reminded daily and to be aware that real character is who you are when no one's watching. I'm done blaming others or things. I'll just blame myself or perhaps even better is to not have negative blaming in my lifestyle. I can have a positive blame. For example, I blame the pastor for really opening my heart to things. Or I blame my parents for make me and now that I am amazing! Ha! I trust god in what He wants to happen in the next minute, hour, day, week, month, year, decade. Bring it on failure! Bring it on rejections! Bring it on depression! Bring it on Satan! I anticipate great things, but with our sinful nature it's never ice cream and sunshines all the time. All the ice cream and sunshines are in heaven, and that's when I will be genuinely happy. I've always been searching for that, and I found it when I met Jesus. I'm saved. Yes! now what's next? I wake up each day happy to be alive, and I pray constantly to my father whom I don't need to see, but I know that His spirit lives in me. I've figured out my gift, and my strengths. Now what? I realize that before I get to that place of ice cream and sunshine. I have to experience storms, horror, and darkness first. This life has a happy ending. It's with Jesus sitting by him. Do I want to be happy now in terms of living a life of this world? Or do I want to be happy by doing God's work? I'm quite awake and way alive. I'm not dead. No point of being passive about things. I should just end this entry, and let it be. I see a greater purpose and a greater need for those who want and accepts it. I look around, I look at the mirror, and I see pride, greed, extravagance, lust, gluttony, despair, sloth, vainglory, wrath, discouragement, and envy.

I feel better. The ocean's calm for now. Clouds are visible, but I'll be ready. I read something Kobe Bryant said after losing game 4 at Oklahoma. I know for all the people, I'm quoting Kobe. He sad something like this "There are certain things that we have to do to execute to win. Angry doesn't get it done. Emotions doesn't get it done. You've got to execture." I've talked to a few folks about certain views on certain things and my opinions on different things. Must be vague, perhaps. I don't get angry. I get really fired up and perhaps disappointed when I see people acting really stupid. I'm sorry. Who am I to judge? But if I see something iffy, or smell something fishy, or hear something that's clingy. I will speak and will try to do something about it. However, there are certain people out there that's just really hard to talk too. When they're so right, but not really sure, that they think that they're always right. That whatever I say won't affect them at all. It's pointless to straighten up a person who's close minded and always needs to be right. It's like what's the point of you winning this conversation? I don't really know. I respect your points, and hopefully you respect mine. So stop talking? Done. I just want peace, direction, and love. They're always going to argue until they win, even if the argument is semi ridiculous. Annoying something, but tolerable. I guess I can pray and love them.

Continuing with my trip to the East. Itinerary looks like this so far..

• April 29, Thursday: 21030- depart LAX
• April 30, Friday:
• 300- Arrive BWI (Baltimore-Washington Intl.)
• Cab it Embassy Suit in Balti
• 1000- pick up from Biaera Tech
• 1100-Get to Frederick, lunch, check in with George.
• 2pm Presentation
• 630 dinner with Biaera Tech
• May 1^st Saturday:
• 800 Drive to Rockville morning
• 1000 Check in IESO
• 1100 Turn in proposal
• 1230 Luncheon
• Enjoy MD
• May 2^nd Sunday:
• Golf with Directors of IESO (Fail)
• Hopefully church
• Free day at Rockville
• May 3^rd Monday:
• 800 work at Biaera Tech
• 1400 head to Mas Labs in Delaware
• Check in hotel in Delaware
• May 4^th Tuesday:
• 1000 MasLab- the day ends...
• Hello MasLabs let’s talk…
• Branch here CA
• Partner Biaera Tech and MasLabs together
• Talk about Aerobio Lab assoc, inc.
• May 5^th Wednesday:
• Back to Maryland
• Report back to Biaera
• 1720 flight to NY
• 1900 Hello NYC
• May 6^th Thursday:
• Who knows…
• May 7^th Friday:
• 1515 Suppose to fly back to LA…
• May Extend it…


*Biaera is accommodating me with their company car and lodging. :)

Windy Day

It's windy. Bahhhh... I just want to sit, read, and sip some tea. Of course that's not going to happen. I want to do fitness as well, then I have to the "Station". I'm not teaching, but we only have two weeks left. And my Wednesday nights are somewhat free. I'm at home eating peanut butter; just peanut butter. The wind almost blew me away today. I figured some peanut butter would keep me grounded.

Lots to be done before I leave next week. Working on my presentation, studying, and practicing procedures to make sure I'm on it. Days like these when I'm kind of happy that I'm not out there on the field working. I'm happy to be sitting my bunn cakes and not being blown away by the wind. Also got everything laid out for this welding job that has to be done by the end of the week. Just welding a custom frame for a Ford Bronco. I'm not even sure how that came in the picture. Uncle needed help, so here I am to the rescue. It's good to be altruistic.

Time to do fitness! Rawr! :)

Where the Spirit of the Lord Is!

Enough said...

On my knees again..

After a great high on God this weekend I am now on my knees just not even asking for anything. I don't even know why. I just feel like my chest is so heavy. Being away for the weekend was great, but coming back was really hard. The feelings are there. I'm just not good with words. I just feel like I'm carrying a lot on my shoulder and it's really getting in me. I can't even explain it right now because I'm really tired. I don't even want to use that word "tired". I shouldn't be. I don't even know where to begin. I love change, but as I get through life day by day I see myself just being discouraged by this world. It shouldn't affect me, but it kills me right now. Probably because I am stuck about going and not going to these trips. I want to go for the ride and joy of it. I don't want to go into these buildings of corporate aerobiology labs. I'm not going to pretend that I know it all. However, I have too because I'm trying to be on their good side, so that they'll invest on branching out in the South Bay. Annoying...

After a busted toe, a bloody lip, a wood splint being stuck unto my fingers, and a few mosquito bites, I am alive. Am I well? I am well in spirit. I just feel like there's so many things going on around me. I just need to shut down. Then I realize something.. I can't. I want to cry. I want to just run and sob. There's no one to cry to, but Jesus. That's pretty much all I have. I'd like to think that there's a community around me, but I just feel so unworthy. I don't really know why. I'd rather be the man that people seek to cry on, rather than to be that man that goes and cries to someone. And it's so hard for me to show emotions. I'm really not having fun typing right now. It hurts. I want to be strong. I want to be active. I want to lead. I want to be dependable. I want to be responsible. I'm really struggling on bringing myself up.

I'm a mystery to me. I'm in this quiet place now. Breathing heavily, as I just couldn't read anymore emails. There's a long list of unread mail, but I'll just do them tomorrow. I just read the ones that I thought are more Godly, rather than worldly. Things happen everyday, good and bad. I just feel like the sky is falling down on me right now. I was anticipating that after the retreat that I'd be rested and be a lot more focused. Instead, I come back to a flat tire. I come back to hear that someone's grandma is dying. I come back to hear that this baby that I've been praying for, for weeks just got rushed to the emergency room. And then I hear a couple that got married yesterday and the wife had stroke or some sort last night. To top off my come back, a discussion on church's politics on worship and prayer. I mean... really? I am trying my best to get myself through. Even though everything seems to be so all over the place. Ahhhh...

My heart's heavy. God's really working. I can feel it and it hurts. Is this how it's suppose to feel? I'm broken everyday by what I see and hear. It gets heavier as I pray. The mind just starts to become dark and negative. I try not to go into that path, but I guess I'm just emotional after withstanding this weekend's retreat. I had to hold it together for the Station. I taught scripture this morning and how Jesus the Son of God was still praying in his last hours of death. That's something that I want to feel. Right now. I want that. I want to be whipped, thorned, tortured, and just be terrible. I want the challenge. I'll take it. And as I'm getting it, I want to pray to the Lord above and just be strong. I'm trying really hard. It's not good to feel like being tortured or to wish that I was. I don't even know what I'm saying now... I need to sleep and deal with it tomorrow, then the next day.

Getting Things Done...

It's past 230am. I have to be up in like 4 hours. I'm trying to really make this outline presentable for this weekend's Station retreat. Did I procrastinate? I'm not really sure. I knew it was coming. I just didn't get the deadline until a day ago. Also had to write my lesson for tomorrow night for the Station. I'm teaching twice this week. Also working in the office trying to get the lab work started while working on reports and paper works. It's supposed to be fun, but not when there's a block in my brain in the past hour or so.

I couldn't think. I'm reading all these things, but it's not getting transcribed to a lesson of my own. It's annoying. I was happy, and now I'm just frustrated I can't get this one down. I wrote my first lesson and that was a breeze. The topic was "Caring for the Least", and I nailed that down like ice cream on a waffle cone. And now I'm working on Jesus's Prayer life and for some reason it's not composing well. I get it. I know it. I just want it to be very well written and done to a point where these college kids will be affected by it. Go big or go home?! It's Jesus's prayer... I want this sermon to be darn awesome. Unlike tonight's sermon, this weekend's somehow is more difficult for me to put in an outline. I prayed about it and it's just not working. I want this outline to be attached to their walls. I want this to be mind blowing. I'm giving it Saturday evening, which is like the climax of this weekends retreat.

I've cried out for help because of the music that's playing in my ears. It's late. I'm tired. I'm alone. I want my work to be the best for God. I have confidence that it'll be done. I just don't want to rush it and just turn it in. Cups after cups of tea with Colbie playing in the back ground it's still not working- my brain. It's irritating when I can't get it done. Ahhhhh...

I have a love for these stuff, but I'm hating it right now. As much as I don't use the word hate, I'm using it tonight. I need a breather. I'll continue this when I wake up. Oh Wednesday... This is brutal. I still need to go in to work and finish a duplex report and anticipate big-huge house in Long Beach. Send out flyers for this dumb golf tournament in two weeks. I have to grow and break down Memnoniella, and get it to be pretty under a microscope and take a photo and put it in the portfolio. Trying to finish all the Deuteromycotina. And I'm only on the Memnoniella. There's like 18 more. My head's going to explode. Oh did I mention that I have to go find some Cladosporium by my boss's house. It'd be silly, but okay. I need a sample, and I ran out of samples and I didn't want buy one. Yes, we can buy mold. Weird. So I'm getting one via the backyard. Wonderful. Also, I have to start working on the invoice sheets for these mold reports and allergen tests. I need to bring a cheat sheet with me... All these names are driving me nuts. It'll be fun. After all the work in the office, I'm putting in a nap sometime this afternoon. Then taking my ninja's to the beach. Then a prayer stroll. Then the Station. That's how it's looking like in one day. Awesome!

Love it! I have to stay strong this next two months. It's make it or break it season in terms of work. I'll continue preaching the Good News. That's always going to make it. The other stuff will follow. I hope. If it doesn't then try and go on a different approach and alternative. There's always a plan b.

Mammoth

I shouldn't be up right now. I really need sleep. I slept okay last night, but woke up from a nightmare this morning. I just got done with the Monday after an amazing time in Mammoth last weekend. I'm currently taking a break from writing my outline for the Station this Wednesday. I'm teaching about "Caring for the Least". It has to be done tonight because I have to turn it in for them to print tomorrow because I have to write another sermon tomorrow for the Station retreat this weekend. That's going to be on "Jesus's Prayer Life". That needs to be turned into them by Wednesday for the handouts. I'm full of joy of just learning and studying the bible. I'm lovin' it.

Mammoth was beautiful. The mountains were astounding. Often times I wonder how the heck these people can't believe in God by not just looking at the mountains. There's just something wonderful about God's creation. I'm so thankful for every single second I had this weekend with so many wonderful people. It was just fun. I didn't worry much. There were no stress or anything. It was simple and majestic. Every time I feel like I was going to lose it. I just prayed and meditated. Skiing was blissful and fun! All I can say is that I was on a cloud last weekend. The rest of how I feel goes to my private journal. I feel good for now. Even with the lack of sleep and time. I'm going to say that I'm driven to finish whatever task that's in front of me right now, ie. 5 trips, 4 states, 3 weekends, 2 sermons, 1 life. The weekend was more liberating rather than relaxing. I got to cook the whole weekend. I got to serve my fellows. I got to stop and not think of home or work. I'm just thankful and happy for now with all the crazy things going on around me. Even with all my worries and stress, I tried to make last weekend fun, not only for me but also for some. I shouldn't be down anymore. God is going to work His ways.

There was a moment at church last night where I just wanted to cry. It's not because I'm sad and that I can't do anything about anything. God's doing a lot right now and I'm here trying to get it. I'm just a lil confused unto what to do with what's in front of me. "Great power, comes great responsibility"-Uncle Ben from Spider Man. I really don't have any powers, but I have the Holy Spirit. Oh man, I just need to man up, but I don't want to be downed. This is really an annoying feeling. I'm just going to continue what I'm doing and maybe my phone rings in the middle of the night and Jesus is calling me. Ah... I wish I can type more... Time to go back writing this lesson.

Off to Mammoth

I'm not sure why I'm sitting here typing like a zombie. My mind is shut down, but my body is awake. I just realize tonight, when I was taking a shower, that I forgot to eat today. I only had a banana this morning and a descent lunch. That's it. I'm all about being mentally prepared for busy days. I guess that's good.

I leave to Mammoth in like 2 hours. I should sleep. Dude, seriously. I need to sleep. After wrestling with 40lbs. of chicken. I managed to put them all in place, and half of them are soaking in deliciousness. I also managed to pack my bag and get ready for Mammoth. I am really excited about this trip. I just feel like it'll be a grand time. It'll be grand. I'm excited. I'm tired for now. I'm sure I'll sleep on the way.

Oh man! I'm all smiles after a really tough week. It's over now. It was a crazy week. I don't even know how I survived. Next week is just as crazy. I am slowly getting used to it. I like the challenge that it brings. I just need to put in the effort of actually working out. I think I only worked out twice this week. That's not good. Failure.

My life is sitting on a pedestal right now. It has been this whole year. I made a to-do list this year and so far I'm ahead of what I have envisioned. However, there are a few things that's kind of catching me by surprise. I wonder what's going to happen tomorrow? I wonder what's going to happen next week? I can only tell on what's on my calendar right now and how this world is just blessing me. Blessing me with head aches, heart aches, and stress. I am still in love with stress. Growing up, I've always been intuitive of what's coming next. Always want to take it on, head first. I'm weird. I know. I like a good challenge. Whether it's a math problem, in the pool, with the girls, etc. There are things that I can't take, and I'm slowly having back that control again. I should go back skate again, see where that leads. Now that's going to be a big challenge. I'll explain later.

I'm going to close my eyes and dream about a happy place for an hour or so. Yay!

Peace!

Turn On the Music

O Holy Is The Great Almighty! He's alive folks! I want to cry, shout, dance, sing, worship, love for my God. A wonderful Sunday morning filled with joy. I enjoyed the sun rise listening to some Shane & Shane. I ate food, did my morning routine. I was reading 2nd Corinthians 5:14-15 this morning for a special devo time it says

"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

C'mon people! Jesus died for us, so that we can not go to hell. Let's live for Jesus. Why can't a regular Sunday service be like Easter service all the time. There were a lot of people at church today. People were singing and was actually friendly. There's so many smiling faces this morning. I forget the world sometimes when I see people smiling. It's so good. It's so peaceful. It's like music to my ears, it's just peaceful.

Church was terrific. I went home after lunch to spend some time w/ the fam-bam knowing that they're just going to be away. O well. Sometimes it gets me inside knowing the fact that my fambam don't know what it means to live a life worth living for. I can't force feed them, but I'm really trying and praying hard that maybe they'll see the light. I've got bibles and notes running around everywhere the house to a point where my Mamma would yell at me to go clean up my stuff. That just sounds like loud rap music to me. They all came home and it was nice to hear my brother teasing my sister about giving her a hug. Weird. Then came the great earthquake after I drooled over the couch watching the Lakers lose to the Spurs. It was 7.2 magnitude earthquake. It wasn't as bad as the one that I experienced in Hawaii once when the tv fell from it's stand. Wonderful. It was a pretty intense earthquake. My feet were feeling the floors of our second floor apartment and I was just feeling the foundation if it was about to give in. I was waiting for a disaster to happen. It would've been a sad story, but fortunately I still have a roof on my head. That was that.

I wasn't sure of what I'm doing for the rest of my Sunday. I had dindin w/ my Mamma. It was fun. I like sharing a meal with anybody. Even if it's my mother. It's always awkward and strange, but it works. I'm making it work. I'm trying. Home cooked meal and a lecture from my mother on giving my stuff away. Great. I skipped some evening churching and just chilled at home.

Everything's mellow. Until I was dragged to go have frozen yogurt. Sometimes I just don't understand the logic of some of my friends. Perhaps there is none. There is no point of going against the flow. Sometimes I just have to suck it up and ride that wave. He really pushed my buttons tonight. There was a lot of backtracking and useless, pointless reasoning. Empty promises and the lack of common sense. My patience was definitely challenged. So as I calmed down the party arrived and I cooled off. I stepped outside for a bit and next thing I see the company is leaving and is pissed. At this point, nothing seems to be going well with this little adventure to go get frozen yogurt. The highlight of it was probably me stepping outside jumping around the common area conversing on the phone and having happy thoughts. The plan was a failure. Everything was gravy until my buddy played his sappy drama music. That made the company leave and now he's stuck with me.

I can't help it anymore but to just lay it down the table. Sometimes people need to know what they're doing wrong. I care for these people enough that once I get to a certain point I have to sit you down and talk to you man vs. man. Fight or flight is the usual reaction by anyone who gets irritated, frustrated, annoyed, mad, sad, or whatever negative emotion is happening inside. After reading books after books on dealing with this society. I found out that fight or flight isn't the best solution to solve interpersonal issues. Getting in a dialog in a calm and pleasant manner is the best way. Of course sometimes the temper gets on a higher scale, but everything has to be controlled or else everything will just be counter productive. After a long and disastrous evening I came to a point where I was being a good friend. It felt really frustrating, but it's good. I'm here for whoever needs an ear to listen. I'm her to be accountable for. Back to some good music with some old Gospel music. I just feel compelled to just feel good. Jesus is alive baby!!! Amen!

He is Risen!!!

Midnight came and the feeling of knowing that my God is risen gives me pure joy. When the sun breaks the sky tomorrow and brings its light into this place I will rejoice and give Jesus everything.

Saturday was a lot more productive than I thought. Cleared my head with all the stress at work. I slept in and did a detailed cleaning of the entire house. Found time to do accountability with a buddy, rented a movie watched it with some awesome people, and went to a robot party. Even had time to meditate and pray as I'm driving.

Feeling refresh, I am. There's just something cool going on inside of me that I can explain. It's Jesus rising from the dead. Yes! Funny portion of this is that I was in a robot party introduced as the "cookie-charming-smooth dude". An intro to bring up Easter to those who doesn't really understand the meaning of it and how it's so important it is to me and to those who believe. I had to proved to them how spontaneously awkward weird I am. Which isn't really hard for me to do.. I just realize that if I am put to spot to break the ice in a group of fellas' that aren't really sure of what to talk about, I can step in and bring in the heat. That should be a career. I can do that. Anyways, It's not about me... Holy monkeys.

Jesus is alive! I won't be a Christian if it wasn't for Easter. I won't be believing in something if He didn't rose from the grave. I'm so happy!

Planning a menu plan for this next weekend's amazing trip to Mammoth. I am on it!

Everything is Beautiful

A long work week has finally come to an end. Easter weekend, here I come! Really been a little down and out this past week. Just with work and such... Realized that all the weekends for the next 8 weeks are booked. It's okay. I sat at the beach in silence for an hour the other day staring at the beautiful sun set. As the birds fly by and people interact, I noticed how everything is beautiful.

...Good Friday service was excellent. It's probably the most powerful Friday of the year. It what really defines "true love". The sacrifice that God did just for us. I don't even deserve it. I was thinking, praying, talking to God through my thoughts of how it's so ridiculous, Jesus' death was. I can't really explain it. It's because I am His adopted child that He had to sacrifice His own Son for my own benefit. It's a great reminder that my life here on earth would not have been like this without Him. That I should stand tall and be an example of His great love and beauty. It was so good to just be content with God tonight. It made me see things clearly and just shook me up to a point where I really don't need to worry about my own life and issues. I'm already saved. These earthly worries like school, work, relationships, are just temporary. Even to be bothered by a barking dog in the middle of the night can be sustainable. It'll shut up. Hopefully... I am at peace again. There's peace in my heart and confidence that everything will work out according to His great plan. The act of sacrifice is just beautiful. I'm still recollecting and still feeling the goose bumps from the service. It's so good, so beautiful...

Genesis 1:31 always gets me excited. How God saw everything that he made, and it was very good. It is. Everyone's beautiful. Even when they're in tears. Even when everything is going against our week. Even though people are staining this world. Everything is still beautiful. Beauty is having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind. My mind's very unique compared to the "normal mind" or the "ideal mind". I sense things differently than a normal person in this society senses. I get the normal, now why can't I go beyond that. There's a fine line between over analyzing something to just having the "whatever" mentality. It may sound cheesy, but I find beauty everyday in Jesus.

Interesting study...

more...

It's pretty amazing what technology does... I'll be praying for these findings. I'm not sure where I stand yet. I think it's interesting. That's how God's son looked like, whom I owe my life too. Not really legitimate until Revelations 1:12-18 comes out of no where. Nothing to go crazy on because I know where I'll end up at. Pray for those who are beautiful inside, but has no clue what everlasting life means. God will work His ways on us. I have faith.

Moving on... Everything is beautiful. When a man calls a woman "cute" he's looking at her face. When he calls her "pretty" he's looking at her face. When he calls her "hot" he's looking at her body. And when he calls her beautiful, he's looking at her body. I do desire a beautiful woman of God. I was doing a little research tonight after a long night of victory in Jesus and fellowship with fellow believers. I found out 5 bold moves for today's discerning women. I came across this book by Robert Lewis (same guy who wrote Men's fraternity) it's called The New Eve. In this book he mentions 5 bold moves for today's discerning women.

• Live from the Inside Out
• Adopt a Biblical Definition of Womanhood
• Embrace a Big Picture Perspective on Life
• Live with the End in Mind
• Use Wisdom with a Man

When I hear the word "beautiful", I think of women. How they're just so perfectly made by God, who's also beautiful. God is beautiful. His creation's beautiful. He created women. That makes sense. Probably not, I'm tired. I went on a long hike with a group of people. It didn't feel like I was with anyone though as they kind of just took off. I was a little turtle. Got nicknamed as the "Excursion Man" or "Expedition Man". It was quite the highlight of the hike. I was by myself 70% of the dark, cold, long hike to see the beautiful creation. This world is just perfectly made. The moon was there, the stars are somewhat there. I tried communicating with some peacocks, that was a fail. I walked, I prayed, I wasn't scared. I was alone, I wasn't thinking. I was just walking and smiling. I could've taken a wrong turn, but I found my ways.

I'm looking forward to a beautiful weekend. I won't worry about work on Monday yet. I'll let this weekend simmer. Tomorrow should be a beautiful day to clean and tidy up. Sunday is Easter!!! Yes baby! Jesus is Alive! Joy is in my heart. Super excited for that day. It's one of the best Sundays of the year. I'm sure I'll find time and effort to write again. This hasn't been smooth. I'm really exhausted. Long week, good Friday, and a joyful weekend ahead! :)