I don't feel very well. I tend to be a critic and I tend to be negative. I fix my eyes on Christ. I see nothing else, but Him. I find my hope, my peace, my healing all through Him. When I look into this world I question good just like I question evil. It's not a good attitude, I know. God is the only thing that makes everything in this world happen; good or bad. My character is built on solid rock. I challenge myself daily to become the best "me" possible. The craving has gone beyond understanding of why I live my life totally surrendering to the one who gave His life for me. I pray that I can be in the presence of the spirit as much as possible. Be weird.
The past months and the past weeks haven't been so easy. It's okay. I embrace the stress, the challenge, and the trials. I pray. I continue to live graciously in the grace that was given to me. Thankful for the things that I have. Would I want more? Off course. I definitely want more. I want to grow. I want to live shining brightly. However, it's not easy. I desire life, but to gain one is to lose one. I want more to this life that we have now. By His great love I am alive.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
National Prayer Day
My prayer,
God.... I need you! I want you! You are LOVE, I love you! Oh man... I haven't been having an amazing week. I don't need an amazing week, I realize that I have You. I don't need a response from the girl that I like. I have You. I don't need parents checking on their son. I have you as my father in heaven. I don't need to get caught up about making enough to provide for my future family. I know that You will provide. Thank you! You have blessed me with your Grace. You've been so patient with me and have been so forgiving for the sins that I have committed. I don't want to disappoint you anymore. I want to live for you and according to your will. Let my wants and needs be you. Let me wake up in the morning praying to you and not wondering what my to-do list looks like or what I'm wearing. I want to love and appreciate You and all that you have created. I want to work for your kingdom. Even in the science field. You made all things! Even in relationships. They are your sons and daughters. I ask that you take this fear away from me. I want to put on this armor and fight this battle with you as my sword and shield. I want to impress You, Lord GOD, and not the people around me, or the girl that I adore. Give me the courage to follow my words and take them into action. Actions that's glorifying you and be to the best of my abilities. You know my strengths and weaknesses. Fill my lack of effort with your love. Reduce my love for myself, and convert that to my love for you. Let my selfishness be for You and my brothers & sisters. You are just, God. And You take care of all those who are in need of You. You know my prayers more than anyone else. I love you Lord. I am your servant forever. I don't deserve this life, but you gave this to me to enjoy the wonders of your creation and to serve you. Let my focus be You. I want to be reminded daily that you're more important than my life. Your spirit lives in me and with me. I want my thoughts to be for your glory. I want my thoughts and wants for the better of your kingdom. I want you, Jesus!!! I love you! The power and will of me loving you is You. You gave me all these gifts and talents. I'm sorry if I haven't been able to maximize them for You. I feel empty right now. I feel alone. God, I ask that you fill my cup. God, ask that you speak to me. God, I ask that you show me the way in which you want me to go. The joy is fading. I want to delight in You, in times of being in judged, being rejected, being poor, being sick, being a failure, and being a sinner. I need you badly. Oh man... You have the power to move mountains and raise people from the dead. Change my heart. Thank you for worship that makes me cry all the time. Thank you for making me cry. Thank for my heart hurting. I just want to be in your presence God. There's so much going on in this world. I'm overwhelmed by the world. I don't want that. I just want you, God. You're more important than making a living, relationships, my status, my identity, my health, my legacy. You have to be incorporated to all of that. I must confess that lately, you haven't been. And now I'm broken and in tears begging you to come back in my life. I want you back, and I know that you never left. I won't make any excuses. I admit to my mistakes and the lack of actions. I want to change for the best. God, you are the best. Everything else is temporary. Let You be with me on this world. I know that I can't do this all on my own. I can't go to work alone, I can't eat alone, I can't date alone, I can't serve alone, I can't be alone. I know you're with me everywhere I go. And lately I've been pushing you away and having things my way. I don't want to use your name to get the things that I want. I want to use your name to get what you want and to glorify you more to the nth degree. I love you Lord. My prayer is to be in constant prayer. My constant prayer is to be lifting you higher. You're beautiful.
Amen.
God.... I need you! I want you! You are LOVE, I love you! Oh man... I haven't been having an amazing week. I don't need an amazing week, I realize that I have You. I don't need a response from the girl that I like. I have You. I don't need parents checking on their son. I have you as my father in heaven. I don't need to get caught up about making enough to provide for my future family. I know that You will provide. Thank you! You have blessed me with your Grace. You've been so patient with me and have been so forgiving for the sins that I have committed. I don't want to disappoint you anymore. I want to live for you and according to your will. Let my wants and needs be you. Let me wake up in the morning praying to you and not wondering what my to-do list looks like or what I'm wearing. I want to love and appreciate You and all that you have created. I want to work for your kingdom. Even in the science field. You made all things! Even in relationships. They are your sons and daughters. I ask that you take this fear away from me. I want to put on this armor and fight this battle with you as my sword and shield. I want to impress You, Lord GOD, and not the people around me, or the girl that I adore. Give me the courage to follow my words and take them into action. Actions that's glorifying you and be to the best of my abilities. You know my strengths and weaknesses. Fill my lack of effort with your love. Reduce my love for myself, and convert that to my love for you. Let my selfishness be for You and my brothers & sisters. You are just, God. And You take care of all those who are in need of You. You know my prayers more than anyone else. I love you Lord. I am your servant forever. I don't deserve this life, but you gave this to me to enjoy the wonders of your creation and to serve you. Let my focus be You. I want to be reminded daily that you're more important than my life. Your spirit lives in me and with me. I want my thoughts to be for your glory. I want my thoughts and wants for the better of your kingdom. I want you, Jesus!!! I love you! The power and will of me loving you is You. You gave me all these gifts and talents. I'm sorry if I haven't been able to maximize them for You. I feel empty right now. I feel alone. God, I ask that you fill my cup. God, ask that you speak to me. God, I ask that you show me the way in which you want me to go. The joy is fading. I want to delight in You, in times of being in judged, being rejected, being poor, being sick, being a failure, and being a sinner. I need you badly. Oh man... You have the power to move mountains and raise people from the dead. Change my heart. Thank you for worship that makes me cry all the time. Thank you for making me cry. Thank for my heart hurting. I just want to be in your presence God. There's so much going on in this world. I'm overwhelmed by the world. I don't want that. I just want you, God. You're more important than making a living, relationships, my status, my identity, my health, my legacy. You have to be incorporated to all of that. I must confess that lately, you haven't been. And now I'm broken and in tears begging you to come back in my life. I want you back, and I know that you never left. I won't make any excuses. I admit to my mistakes and the lack of actions. I want to change for the best. God, you are the best. Everything else is temporary. Let You be with me on this world. I know that I can't do this all on my own. I can't go to work alone, I can't eat alone, I can't date alone, I can't serve alone, I can't be alone. I know you're with me everywhere I go. And lately I've been pushing you away and having things my way. I don't want to use your name to get the things that I want. I want to use your name to get what you want and to glorify you more to the nth degree. I love you Lord. My prayer is to be in constant prayer. My constant prayer is to be lifting you higher. You're beautiful.
Amen.
Monday, April 30, 2012
April Fools
Hi. I know there has been a hold on this blog. I seem to find the time to think and outline my thoughts, yet not get to them on here. It's almost over a month since I've written something on this thing. I keep doing that. I keep doing the wrong things. I keep working on the same things. I keep failing other people. I keep doubting at myself. Obviously it hasn't been a good month. Personally, the month's been good, it could just get better. Everything else can get better.
The self has stepped away for the month of April. In a sense of not making sense to make sense. At this stage of life, I think I kind of know what I want. I just have been struggling with the execution part. Therefore, I fail at life. Life is well if ya ask me. I have food, clothes, a roof, even a car, and a schedule. There's certainly other things that could make up the wellness of living, and that could be a bonus to my life. Most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel alone. Never did I get angry or mad at God for putting me in a position of uncertainty. Even though I didn't like what I've become the past 40 days or so, I'm constantly in prayer and repentance for my sins and for my shortness to be living for the God who made all.
The normal has vanished. The quietness and stillness of the ocean has gone tsunami. The works has creatively interesting and enticing to me lately. The people of the congregation has been more inviting and more welcoming. The family of myself hasn't been around much. The community, may I say, has been there for me as well. My peers are giving me lecture and telling me their lives and how magnificent they are. (Pardon me, if I tend to tell myself that I am John Ram the "magnificent") I wish God would give me peace. He has, and I am stubborn. I feel like the battle hasn't won on this earth. Jesus died and won the war on sin, I still have my missions to do on this earth. Let's see how that looks like.
The randomness of myself has gone viral. It's no illusion, no trick. The cerebrum may have been jumbled and rattled a lot lately. See, I like this girl. Just one. She's pretty. I'm a boy. I forgot to court. Impossible! Perhaps; however, it's not doing me any favors. I don't want any favors. I get crushed by my crush. I never thought where that came from. The Spirit is well. Broken, yes. I am. I'm not lost. If only she could read my mind. And God knows the desires of my heart and He definitely knows what's on my mind. Just rely that message to her. She has gone from human to power ranger. Its cold, yet I still am drawn to this person and still want to pursue and court. I know why. What I don't know is how..? The simple things in life should be simple. Maybe it's just in America. If I have to go catch 23 fishes before she gives me a smile, then I go to the waters for days to go fishing. Now, how would it look like if I decide to not fish. Well I get lost and hungry. And I was a little lost and hungry the past few weeks and days.
The confusion of this blog is meant to confuse you, whoever you are, reading. I'm not confuse. It's my life. I'm just shy, prideful, full of fear, and insecure. God loves me and created me to become unique and different. Yes, however, there are laws on this earth that are so created that makes me cringe. I don't want to follow the way of the world. I want to rule a kingdom that will be loving God and loving others. I know my role as a man. Am I hiding behind something? Yes. Everyone's hiding from something.
The moment when you wake up happy, and then you go to bed crying. Or vice versa. Completely possible to a one to one ratio. I have been having days of joys and sorrow. I really need God. And the devil's been good at taking over lately. From the business of life, to impressing others, to being selfish with my desires to please me first before God and others. Conviction strikes and I fall again the next day. The sadness is caused by low self esteem and missing a person who meant the whole glass of milk to the oreo. I poured out my heart and somewhat got things in rhythm. God has been in it to win it. Yet, there's still things that's stopping the fireworks to go off. I just look at the fireworks w/o having it to ignite it. I try igniting it and it won't just go off. I'm weak in that area. I worry too much. I think too much of the future. True story.
The time to end this for the month of April and say "it's gotta be May". Let's have a fresh start. Pay the bills, go serve, make brownies, watch movies and sports, and go have fun. I will do that. Whether it's just me or w/ bodies, it's just going to have to happen. Thank you for reading. :)
The self has stepped away for the month of April. In a sense of not making sense to make sense. At this stage of life, I think I kind of know what I want. I just have been struggling with the execution part. Therefore, I fail at life. Life is well if ya ask me. I have food, clothes, a roof, even a car, and a schedule. There's certainly other things that could make up the wellness of living, and that could be a bonus to my life. Most of the time, I feel like I don't deserve it. Sometimes I feel alone. Never did I get angry or mad at God for putting me in a position of uncertainty. Even though I didn't like what I've become the past 40 days or so, I'm constantly in prayer and repentance for my sins and for my shortness to be living for the God who made all.
The normal has vanished. The quietness and stillness of the ocean has gone tsunami. The works has creatively interesting and enticing to me lately. The people of the congregation has been more inviting and more welcoming. The family of myself hasn't been around much. The community, may I say, has been there for me as well. My peers are giving me lecture and telling me their lives and how magnificent they are. (Pardon me, if I tend to tell myself that I am John Ram the "magnificent") I wish God would give me peace. He has, and I am stubborn. I feel like the battle hasn't won on this earth. Jesus died and won the war on sin, I still have my missions to do on this earth. Let's see how that looks like.
The randomness of myself has gone viral. It's no illusion, no trick. The cerebrum may have been jumbled and rattled a lot lately. See, I like this girl. Just one. She's pretty. I'm a boy. I forgot to court. Impossible! Perhaps; however, it's not doing me any favors. I don't want any favors. I get crushed by my crush. I never thought where that came from. The Spirit is well. Broken, yes. I am. I'm not lost. If only she could read my mind. And God knows the desires of my heart and He definitely knows what's on my mind. Just rely that message to her. She has gone from human to power ranger. Its cold, yet I still am drawn to this person and still want to pursue and court. I know why. What I don't know is how..? The simple things in life should be simple. Maybe it's just in America. If I have to go catch 23 fishes before she gives me a smile, then I go to the waters for days to go fishing. Now, how would it look like if I decide to not fish. Well I get lost and hungry. And I was a little lost and hungry the past few weeks and days.
The confusion of this blog is meant to confuse you, whoever you are, reading. I'm not confuse. It's my life. I'm just shy, prideful, full of fear, and insecure. God loves me and created me to become unique and different. Yes, however, there are laws on this earth that are so created that makes me cringe. I don't want to follow the way of the world. I want to rule a kingdom that will be loving God and loving others. I know my role as a man. Am I hiding behind something? Yes. Everyone's hiding from something.
The moment when you wake up happy, and then you go to bed crying. Or vice versa. Completely possible to a one to one ratio. I have been having days of joys and sorrow. I really need God. And the devil's been good at taking over lately. From the business of life, to impressing others, to being selfish with my desires to please me first before God and others. Conviction strikes and I fall again the next day. The sadness is caused by low self esteem and missing a person who meant the whole glass of milk to the oreo. I poured out my heart and somewhat got things in rhythm. God has been in it to win it. Yet, there's still things that's stopping the fireworks to go off. I just look at the fireworks w/o having it to ignite it. I try igniting it and it won't just go off. I'm weak in that area. I worry too much. I think too much of the future. True story.
The time to end this for the month of April and say "it's gotta be May". Let's have a fresh start. Pay the bills, go serve, make brownies, watch movies and sports, and go have fun. I will do that. Whether it's just me or w/ bodies, it's just going to have to happen. Thank you for reading. :)
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