Proactive

Summer is pretty much done. Kids are back to school. Fall fashion line is in. The sun is setting a little earlier than normal. The breeze in the evening gets chiller as the spirit of Halloween is in the air. I find myself faced with sadness and great anxiety to what's ahead. The Lord does His will, but I am in still humanly state of perplexed syndrome that could cause to a radical and just a stupid move. There are things in line that may cause an imbalance of what the future looks like in this earth. To be more precise, it has to do with work, family, mission, and living.

I have been on this new week's resolution as the days go by. I try to improve at something daily. Whether going through that extra verse doing devotions, or drinking more water, being more creative w/ my presentation and reports, or making a random phone call to say "hello" to a stranger. I am definitely weird. That is okay. It's good to be different. I smile daily, yet there's a cloud of fear and terror that floats above me like the cloud that follows the adam's family vehicle wherever they go. Fear is good sometimes as long as face it w/ joy. Joy is the key to attaining most things. I have a fear of failing, but failing is okay. I accept the fact that failure happens. I also know that I can courageously face failure because I know it can't be completely avoided. I have joy and purpose. I am scared of that purpose due to my past and what have I become. Well as of now, I have become a man of God (or at least I would like to think so). Just gotta follow what the bible tells me.

There's something out there shiny and beautiful and there's me in here dealing with something that's already shines and is already beautiful. However, to think of going out there and seeking that challenge of adventure and discovering different ways to indulge in such could be a lei in my heart. I am intrigue of how this all will turn out. I am praying oh so dearly. I am making strides and taking steps to be a light in my community and to love those who may not even accept it. It's okay. I'm just going to love you even if you don't love me back. To love doesn't mean to be nice all the time.... haha... to love someone may involve confrontations, confessions, and revelations. Love, love, love. That's all we need right. Pshhhh...

Lately I've been that person that people use to talk to about their relationship issues. I guess I have great advice. I don't feel the pressure of courting anybody at the moment, but I do feel like everyone else around me is either getting engaged, dating, or getting rejected. Oh the story of love in terms of men and women. Just gotta know that woman's personality, strengths, and gifts. Then execute biblically and have make the drive God driven instead of "me" driving. I have God driving my car, who's driving yours? Is Jesus in the back seat? passenger? trunk? or is He not even in the car? A person asked if I would be willing to meet this girl that they have for me? And I responded by saying "sure" I love meeting new people, but to be set up is nice; however, I am not a big fan of someone telling me where the deer's rest. I know it's prideful, and it's bad. It's a problem of mine. My future wife will just be awesome and wonderful, and I'm sure she's here or there somewhere... As for now, my main focus is my God, and my mission. Other than that. I'm okay for now. :)

Here's September

Pray, pray, pray.... It is so important. I learned that I can just know so much about God, but not really know who God is. It's like if I researched and studied Kobe Bryant to his favorite ice cream, but not actually met up with him and spent time with him. Then I don't really know him, "know him". What's the point of me being productive and efficient at doing things if I'm not really taking my time to just have a relationship with God. I could read all the books scholars write, and listen to all the sermons day and night. Prayer just bakes all that in and makes a delicious baked good out of it.

I have been putting off this site just because of the fact that I don't really have a clear state of mind or even focus to sit in front of a computer and type out my thoughts. It has been sporadic. So everything goes to a small note pad by my desk or by the table. Also the time restraint was also a reason why I haven't been writing. And let's not forget procrastination and just being plain old lazy. Sometimes, I'd rather talk it out or write it out or just plainly think of it and forget about it later... I've been away a lot, and just not having the time to sit and write on this at the end of my days for the past month or so. Most of my last few entries has been short and perhaps boring. It's okay.

Change is good. It's not about what I like or what not anymore. It's what is right and where my heart is drawn towards too mostly. It's too early to state what would happen, but it involves a major change in my life. It will be a challenge, and I've been praying about it for a while now and I think I'm slowly coming into a conclusion and a more concrete plan. I just need to straighten out some fact and make appointments and make these decisions easier said than done. I'm somewhat anxious and scared. However, I kind of just gave it all up with an effort on doing something about it rather than just giving it up and not doing anything about it. With the power of the word of God, prayer and wisdom from others, I will be okay...