Strange Evening

I don't really know where to begin this post. It's about that time. When a big tragic event happens. Something that breaks my heart, that I'd give my life for. Is it really over? Things on this earth don't last forever. Gadgets and gizmos break and relationship with fellows can only go so long until they either drop you in the middle of the dessert or they go to heaven or hell themselves (i prefer to meet them in heaven). Today felt the rain just stopped and there was a rainbow at the end of it. When all of a sudden a a tsunami hits you right on. There's no words to say since you've just been rained on. The rainbow was only to tease you that there's that tsunami coming you way. And it did...

I was blinded by the fact that the sight was pretty. The behavior was splendid. Everything was smooth. I had the weather forecast read through. There were some hits that we'rent significant enough to strike up an arm hair. The waves were calm. Everything was smooth sailing, there were laughter and some warmth in the air. Until all of a sudden the ocean pushed its way through. It got bigger and bigger until there was no land left. I was washed away. I was taken and then torn into pieces. My brain was smashed. My heart was dissolved. My limbs were taken into piece. My head was cut off. I went into a tumble dry mode where there wasn't anything I can do about it. I thought I was in control, but mother nature just took that away from me. She kicked me out and probably decided to kill me on the go.

I can't force myself to live. All I gave pure adoration and admiration for what was in front of me. Whether it's a school of fish or a palm tree, I look at it w/ joy and love. I'm speechless. It's so beautiful, that I'm afraid to speak that there might some complications. I spoke and there it was. A big disaster has happened. I don't know if I can recover from this. If I can just retract my steps and have a redo I would totally change things in a heart bit. I'm so frustrated and mad at myself. I can't always get what I want and that's it. I just can't.

I need that option to forget about it and move on. It's really hard to do that after 15 months of on and off. It still creeps around every once in a while. Tonight was good until it overheated. An old car can only be driven at a certain amount of time and distance until the radiator gives out. It was driving good tonight, until something happened and I pushed the gas a little bit until it exploded. It may not get fix or if it does it will be a pretty pricey repair. It's going to cost me a lot to fix it. And now I suffer....

Hopefully I'll be okay when I get up in the morning.