Cold Months

The season is here. I'm living it right now. The air says it well. There may not be snow falling from the skies in my neighborhood, but the hot water still takes a while to flow through. It's cold. I wake up excited to face the day and I open the front door and there's a still sense of chills that runs through my bones. Perhaps I'm just getting old. I haven't really been that person who puts on layers and layers of clothing. I still won't do it. I just rock and suck it. It's cold.

Worry. Why do I do that a lot? I worry of what to wear because of the weather. I worry about those who are in places of poverty that doesn't have a blanket. I worry about what my boss would say if I do something efficient, but radical. I worry about how I'm going to be paying all my bills and be able to provide for my future family. I worry about the future. I worry about a girl. I worry about my family and friend's salvation. I just worry. In the book of Proverbs chapter 12 it says that "worry weigh's a person down". It does. I really shouldn't worry. I got a lecture from a friend of mine about it. She prayed for me. It dawned to me that really, God takes away my worries. I am bless to have people around me that encourages me and brings cheer to me. Even when I don't want to hear some of the things that I hear. That's probably because of my selfish desires. God takes it all. My worries, and my gladness. It's okay. I'm okay. I have Jesus. I long for Him, rather than longing for what the world tells me too. It's a struggle. It's cold, but my God is my blanket in times of worries.

I think Matthew 6 nailed it on the head. When Jesus was teaching His disciples about giving, prayer, fasting, and possessions. I'm not gifted in terms of giving. It's last on my spiritual gifts test. However, that doesn't mean that I don't give. In fact, I think I give too much to a certain point that I forget myself. Praying is key to why I'm still in a good state of mind. I am still learning so much on how to pray and what to pray for. I really value my time with God. I also don't want to come off selfish, but God knows the desires of my heart. I love praying. Whether when I'm driving, or when i'm on my knees by my bed crying to my God, or just praying for the simplest things. Praying is part of my daily routine. Fasting is something that I do often. Either by not watching tv, or not eating ice cream, to not driving. I should be fasting more, and I'm sure I will. This wheel's just going to keep rolling. Possessions. In a real world, I have plenty of stuff. I really don't like stuff, but this world keeps shoving it in my face. People seem to like stuff. Even Christian people do. I feel like I have to give someone something for them to just like me or have something fancy to be liked. Then I am reminded that I am always going to be loved by my father in heaven. Yes!

I tend to chase people and things rather than just challenge myself. I am guilty of chasing. I'd get possessive and clingy, act beggy and desperate, run around at their beck and call hoping to "win" their approval.Instead of begging. I'm learning to look for ways to get to know people more and things more. I'm done "kissing up" to people's point of view. I am confident with my views even if I'm a third culture kid. I tend to be cold sometimes, but certain people gets me to a point of compromise. There shouldn't be any more compromise when it comes to life and what the scripture says. A man of God, I am. My heart belongs to Jesus, and not to this world.

Respect. If things don't come my way, well then perhaps it's time to move on. I'm going to keep continuing building myself up. I won't be backing down on any obstacles that will hinder to what could be the best for me. These months may be cold, but it could also be as white as snow. I pray for what's best for me. And I pray that God will bring me what I need and not what I want. I will accept all the blessings and all the trials.