Thanksgiving & YOUTH CONVENTION 2011

Thanksgiving! So good! Love is known to live during these times. The joy of having a feast comes to everyone, even to those who doesn't have a lot. I feel really blessed for knowing that my Father in heaven provides. I wrote an entry prior to this that's been opted out. I'm always boggled and curious of what could, should, would happen. I commit to my words & actions. Firm in my decisions, yet I get complicated. My thanksgiving was good. Happy to be able to part take in my family's thanksgiving lunch at my mom's. Her whole family was there; therefore, it was awkward. As much as I love awkward moments, there's something about my own family that just doesn't tune well with me. I love them all. I'm slowly getting better at dealing with them. Thanksgiving is one of those times when you thank God for family, even the weird ones. There just seems to be no face of reality within my family. Where everything has to be put under the carpet when everyone's around. Pretend that everybody likes and cares for each other. I want realness, authenticity, and unconditional love. Thanksgiving seems to make everything gravy. I don't mind it. I don't care much about what it means. But what I care about is that everybody's happy, everybody's got food in their belly, everybody's thanking everybody. Can this be a monthly thing? Can we be reminded that there's people around us that don't get a warm meal and a bed every night? Thanksgiving is an American tradition, thanksgiving should be a daily living tradition. Take away the turkey, the pies, the cranberry, and all that jazz. Let's have a meal w/ at least someone a day and give thanks.

Thanksgiving. It has been real. Grateful to be surrounded with families that I can look up to and be a good role model to my dream family. There's always a sense of loneliness during the holiday season for my part. This past thanksgiving was great, but I tend to shoot myself in the head and bring in complication and misunderstanding. Dwelling on it wouldn't be worth it. I have a problem with over caring and over thinking. To which, I would do it too much that it doesn't help me nor anybody. I look silly, and helpless. I've been boggled lately. Its okay. I was living a life that was honoring myself, rather than a life that's honoring God. I'll just let Him drive my car.

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YOUTH CONVENTION 2011

Did I say Youth?! Yeppp! San Diego CA! We were there, and back again. Theme was "I AM". Oh hello... That's what my small group's been going through from the beginning of this semester. It was definitely flattering that about 3 thousand kids came this weekend and learned and discovered who they are in Christ. Memories were made, lives were changed, and God is constantly molding us to become the best for Him. I am so proud for our students who gave their lives to Christ and rededicated their lives to live accordingly to God's word. There's so much more thoughts about this. There may be another entry in regards to Youth Convention.

Exhaustion always gets me. Another long week ahead. Christmas shopping is pretty much done. I feel good. I feel refresh. I'm excited for what's ahead. Thankful for everything! There's a lot to look forward to and there's a lot to finish and start. Change is good. It may not easy, but it makes me a better person. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Gal 6:9. I can't wait for the next chapter of my life. My family & friends don't dictate the direction of my life, Jesus does.

Puzzle

Perhaps not in the best mood to write, but I have no else to talk too. Therefore, I say "hello" to this blog. It's late. It's Friday. Or maybe by the time this entry gets done it's going to be Saturday. I could just be mumbling on this blog. I don't know. I almost shaved my head today. Just didn't have any clippers with me. I feel better now after talking to a friend about Jesus, Satan, and people. Always good to go in depth w/ people who knows a thing or two on how to praise Jesus in their daily lives.

There really isn't going to be any sense of creative writing going on for this entry. I'll say it as it is. I was sad earlier and now I'm just numb. A good worship session that wowed a lot of the students. Guest speakers that came to town to greet us with their presence always puts a good word to us. It's always refining & refreshing to go through that feeling of a great worship and sermon. It always blows my mind how God works.

Empathy, never really thought it would turn against me. To feel someone's feelings can be exhausting. It's a struggle to see someone who's feeling unease. I find myself being lost within myself that I can't have joy because someone is stress, frustrated, or unhappy. I can't be happy unless they're happy. All I want is for everybody to be happy. Lessons that I need to learn. Things that I need to be praying more. Rather than letting the devil insert negative feelings and emotions inside of me. Which leads to pride, which leads to sin. Which leads to not loving thy neighbor and causing them to perhaps not love me back.

The puzzle board's huge, and there are some missing pieces to my puzzle. It's not a hard puzzle to solve, but it's a tricky one. I finally got home after a fun, long, interesting, happy, extraneous, evening. I'm boggled. I could repeat the reasons why, but it's no worth it. Time will heal, and prayers help. God's in control, not me. I have a heart to make those who know Christ be in their happy place. And if it's not working out then I get grumpy.

I woke up on the wrong side of the couch this afternoon from my nap. And just wasn't in the mood for any troubles or stress. And guess what had to happen. Phone calls from work that aren't time sensitive. It's like a blessing, but also a curse. Come to think of it, I wasn't filled w/ the Holy Spirit during those times. It is my fault. My mistake for letting things get in my head. I acted immaturely that my company is affected by it. I basically am just getting the wrong pieces to this puzzle. And it is frustrating trying to figure out a puzzle w/ the wrong pieces.

The night has been long. I'm tired and ready for bed. Thanking God for my dog for keeping me company on this long and cold night.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 11

This weekend has been well. I would summarize it. However, something happened... I was going through the mini feed on facebook and started crying over something that I read. It breaks my heart to see and read a student's status that says they don't want to be with God. Complete misinterpretation of the word could lead someone to hell instead of inheriting the kingdom.

"Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexual immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. " 1 Cor. 6:9-10

No doubt that God is very clear regarding these issues. He loves everybody more than anything, and to prove that in Jesus. I can't believe that an adult parent would support this student's misinterpretation of these verses. Exhaustion hits me, and tears start to fall down my lids. If only they read through it and read the next verse... "and that is what some of you were. but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God". verse 11...

What got me the most is that other students tried resolving the negativity on this status by writing positive comments. I love it! To see jr high students standing firm with their faith. Being their for their friends and proclaiming the gospel. It is so wonderfully written, I cried even more. Unfortunately the other side always has some response that is completely inviable against God. Perhaps they should educate themselves more by reading more of what the bible says and seeking counsel. Rather than jumping into a conclusion that God may love everybody, but sure does hate a lot of people. In which the statement itself is a contradictory. God loves everybody! Amen! He doesn't hate a lot of people. He is just. I won't go around the bible to prove anything. Because it could lead to a lot more confusion. I'm sticking w/ 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.

It is a blessing to be involve in youth ministry. To see God working in these young men & women's lives is phenomenal. I just want to praise God for letting His Spirit work on some of these kids. The devil is always just around the corner. And there's always going to be doubt and blame. We're always going to sin. Jesus dies on the cross every time we sin. We're always going to be frustrating God. However, Jesus died for our sins as a payment for all of our misbehaving. God mentioned a list of people who won't inherit the kingdom. And He give us all a chance to inherit everlasting life if we accept Him in us. He wants us all in His kingdom because being with him would be everlasting. Being in sin, is mostly temporary. I want to live an everlasting life. I want everyone to do so as well. It burdens me to see those who were in love with Christ, to walk away from Him because of what the world's got to offer. It also inspires me to see young women stepping up in their faith and praying for their friends. There is hope and I have faith. And that is it for now. Time for bed.

Road Change

My thoughts are muffled at the moment. I'm not going to lie. I had a main idea to write about this post, and I just keep getting distracted. Whether it's fatigued, the noise outside, my dog, or just the lingering thoughts about the future- the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week, the next month, the next year. I'm not the average ordinary dude who thinks in boxes. I like steps and procedures. And I also like random spontaneous acts of surprises. Maybe this entry could be a long muddy entry with no viscosity. That's highly unlikely to happen since I actually like structure w/ fluidity. Here goes...

Lately I've been struggling worrying a lot about the future, "will my future be good?". I often think that if I have a good future then I'll have worth and value. And I've been trying to use that as a motivation to succeed. It's definitely an insecurity based. Then I talk to God and He's telling me that there's really no room for insecurity in our lives. God's not really into natural selection when it comes to human worth. We're not turtle hatching randomly scrambling to the sea, stepping over each other into some thin margin of competitive success. We're beloved like a bride on her wedding. Adored. I don't really have to do anything to make God proud. He's already proud of me. And I keep telling myself this. It's always a good starting point.

When I get this straight, the order would be set right. But oh gosh darn.. I want to get there comfortably and faster. Then I forget what's essential. And that is love, and then comes after that is the journey. I'm still learning that I don't have to have a big future to be accepted & love. The world tells me otherwise. Rather, I am so loved and cherished by God, naturally my future will be good.

Zechariah 2:8 says we are like the apple of His eye. The apple is the pupil, that's the most sensitive part. I am likened to the most sensitive part of God. We instinctively react to protect our pupils And that's is how God feels about us because we're important to Him. So because of this, I shouldn't feel insecure about the future. This road may perhaps be long, dry, and steep. The word of God recognizes that and it'll be my fuel to get to the end of it. My feelings aren't always the best truth. My thoughts and feelings about my future right now is not the best indicator of what my future will be. God's promises are.

With respect to trusting only our present feelings, does it seem like we are moving right now? Unless we are walking, or riding in a car or other transportation, it might feel as though we are standing still But we are traveling at approximately 60,000 miles per hour through space as the Earth orbits around the Sun. Sometimes how I feel is not always the best indicator of the truth. I try to meet w/ God who keeps promises and begin to rely on Him. Psalm 1:3 says that we become like a tree that is planted by the river. It is not water by rain that falls unreliably like our feelings. That strong tree sends roots down into the solid ground and is watered by the constant, living river of God's truth.

God didn't leave me in front of these roads by myself. "For I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future"- Jeremiah 29:11. Yes! God is good, and He is personal. I know that God cares about what happens. All these changes, all these feelings, all these emotions. God knows all that. Because He is able to do all things, He is also able to cause His good desires to happen in our lives. He knows and wants the best for me. And He wants me to go and find that. More than that, if we trust Him simply, the outcome does not ultimately depends on me. It depends on Him.

My fear of failing is so worldly. Perhaps God wants me to fail all the time. If I have to experience the all the high's and the low's then so be it. I just need to come forwards to Him all the time because I believe that God has something good for me. I have faith that he wants to give me something good. He's got something for me in the middle of this road. I'll take faith over the law anytime.

Faith excites God. Jesus said to the woman who touched Him in Mark 5, Daughter, your faith has made you well. her faith did not have power. He had all the power. "Faith is a fuse that ignites God's dynamite. Faith does not have to be heroic. Like I'm going to walk on this road alone and self pity. God's been changing this road and making me see that I need Him, and I need to seek help from people. Regardless of how weak I think I am, I am still able to lift my arms. Even after 5 miles on this road, I feel like a rotten tomato. I would still be able to lift my arms to ask for help. My weakness is not an excuse, it is a reason for Him to help us.

All of God's gifts come to us by faith. Salvation's receive by faith. Sanctification is also by faith. the future is a gift from God by faith. Abraham believed God, He received His future by faith, and it was accounted to Him as righteousness (Romans 4:3). I keep asking God for help, but I also keep thinking that I'm not worthy. Something I learned along the way is that faith is a natural response to the character of creation. This world was made by God from things that cannot be seen. The visible world was made from that which is invisible. Hebrews 11:3 says, By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible. this is the pattern of creation-- from the invisible come the visible. When we believe in something at the invisible stage, that faith allows God to create it into something visible.

I don't know what the heck is waiting or what's on the other end of this hill that this road will lead me too. I just have to have faith that God has a plan. I'll keep walking and continue on this road. And even with its changes, my will to continue doesn't change because I have the Spirit in me. I just have to trust God, and be firm with my walk.

Ten Months After

Ten Months After

Ten Months. That's how long its been since I've written something on this blog. I write spontaneously on a notebook. It's time to go back and start on this online thing and write something that's more organized than a doodle. What do I write about? Do I write about my failure to escape Alcatraz? Do I write about my failure to run an aero/micro bio lab? Do I write about my failure to respond to my father's letter? Do I write about growing my hair and cutting it? Do I write about my heart? Do I write about failing to restore business? Do I write about this debt? Do I write about my broken heart? Do I write about being stubborn & dumb?

Short story, long. I turned 27. I saw my brother graduate from high school. I built a tree house. I moved my family out. I went to 7 weddings. I'm still single, I also met an angel. I went to Tahoe, again. I've done about fifty plus reports. I got over partying. I spent two weeks at Hume Lake. I see students get save. I baptized some of my boys. I met Blake Griffin. I had fun under the sun (Ecc. 1). I said hello to people. I said later to some people. The story of my life between February of 2011 to this day has been a joyful and frustrating at the same time. But isn't that life in general? Let's find out...