Discombobulated

Pray. I pray.
Give. I give.
Praise. I worship.
Apologize. I'm sorry.
Surrender. I persist.
Live. I breathe.

This first month of 2012 has been interesting. Faithful, I have been. Patience, I'm praying. God's challenging me a lot in different ways: in health, in wealth, in goodness, and bad. This year's goals are beyond ahead of schedule. Which I think is good. I keep trying to understand certain things for over three weeks now. I try to find answers through the word. The word only explains what the world offers, and that "He who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world"-1 John 4:4. Therefore, I am completely in "ME and HIM" mode the past few weeks. Keeping the fire that is burning inside of me. The need/want of what the world is yelling at me is a fairy tale of a story. I awareness of true love encompasses Jesus. And I am at His service and to all His people.

Not to be rude or anything. I want to see people know Him. I want people to grow in Him. I want people to live a life full of Him. My selfish desires can be replaced by the thought of how can I become a better man for Him. If that's going to involve moving somewhere, or working at a new place, or buying a house, or pursuing a woman, or going back to school, or taking tango lessons, etc. I will. My heart is fixed on Him. But the world keeps rattling it. It's already literally unstable, and it hasn't been feeling great lately. I do what I do, but I feel is not what I want to feel. I know what I know, and I only know what my five senses pick up. To be reading beyond the society, culture, and lifestyle is beyond me. I understand the general idea, but each individual is different. I say what I say because I am concern. I like to challenge myself and others with truth and love. How can I be a cynical man in someone's point of view if they won't even welcome the true me.

Everything is seen from the outside. Men and women are easily deceived by actions, attitude, and assets. What happened to perseverance, character, and hope? This is why I love going to places such as rescue mission places, and rehab places where they offer people a new beginning. They're there getting clean, getting God's word, and understanding that what really matter is their character and not what the world throws at them. Anybody can make their own choice, but in the end if what you want comes true or not. The reality of how God really views that is by the reaction to His will. Let His will be done.. Yes! Even when things are super difficult and I am getting closer and closer to my death. To Him be the glory. Or when things are full of satisfaction. The right things are just flowing accordingly to what we want and what makes us happy, to Him be the glory.

It sounds like I'm obsesses with my god. Well, I kind of am. He is first, and I am second. All the science, business, and recreation that's consuming my daily life is just a subdivision of my life. The main point of my life is to be following Jesus. Things get me side tracked. My own wants, and my own dreams get in the way of my walk with Jesus. I get too focused on me rather than be focusing on Him. I'm too concerned for my own reputation, but that doesn't really matter. All these false teachings, and feel good temporary psychic techniques can work for now, but only Jesus really heals. I pray all the time even when my heart won't stop beating rapidly. I want to leave a legacy. I don't want to live a life thinking what would it be like with the "if's. I am often lost, I feel like that's part of following the shepherd. I'm just a sheep amongst sheep. I believe that my heart will come in peace w/ my mind. Always be praying. Yes. :)