I'm still holding on

There's something lingering in my brain as the fan blows wind at my face. Woke up super early to catch the morning surf. I set my alarm for 5, but I'm already awake anyways. I got a few hours of sleep and a really bizarre dream. I feel great, but also feel like something's missing. I haven't felt this way since I lost myself thru drugs, alcohol, sex, and skate & surf. I got hit in a critical level. It's not really a great feeling. Especially when everything else is slowing down. I need something to boost me up.

I'm sitting in front of the tv now, just waisting time until I get to go take my crappy surf board out for a good surf session. There's a feeling of lost and despair in me right now. From work, to family, and friends there's just sadness. I don't like complaining, but I'm not fighting a good fight. This "thing" in my head is winning right now. The only thing that's holding me from just literally doing something eratic is Jesus. I'm holding on tight. I've got a few friends left that's there for me through thick or thin. I've got my church and my groups and ministries that brings joy to my heart. I'm starting to plan my next steps on rejuvinating this soul of mine. Here's how it looks like.

• Get a dog or a pet... or something...
• Go all out in NY
• Plan to go to Vegas before the monht's end
• Back into surfing... (like I'm about to do now)
• Getting back into being more active again
• Stay away from crazy girls

There's always hope to anything. I know that God has a plan. He provides and he's always watching over those who loves him so. It's not the end of the world. Even though it feels like it. I can manage. I'm a warrior. I'm the king of my own temple. I'm a friend to all. I'm also a love to all creation. Perhaps human nature tramples over things, but I have to keep my head straight and my back straight. I'm going to be okay. I've felt this way before and I've done worse. I just need to hold on. Surround myself with good people and not fall into sin. It's just going to ride well like riding a surfboard. It's just gona happen. Its going to be shaky in the beginning. Once I get it back, I'm ready to ride. I'm excited about life because I believe in myself. Now who's ready to have fun?! Cause this guy does!!! Let's party!

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so distrubed within me? Put your hope in God for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -Psalm 43:5